Kimchi

Yesterday, I got 2 out of 4 people to smile.  I wasn’t out much, so didn’t have much opportunity to acquire points, but today.... oh, today was rich! 

You may wonder why I decided to go to an ESL Bible study for moms this morning.  I speak English and don’t have any children at the time. I never said I did anything rational :o)  

I had been hearing about the church’s large ESL ministry in the community and, of course, it tugged at my heart.  Internationals have held a special place in my life since 1995.  So a few days ago, when I was in a funk and a little depressed, a small voice inside said, “Naomi, your move to Baltimore isn’t just about you and your nephew.” I was so convicted to give each uncertain day to God and ask Him to help me be a blessing wherever and to whomever needed it.  At the same time, I was thinking about the many options for Bible studies and small groups within the church. With so many options, I haven’t known where to plug in.  A little flame lit inside me, “Why don’t I join an international Bible study?” It would be good for me and I could serve others who are also adjusting to life in a new land.

So this morning I sat at a small table with two American women and six Korean moms.  Today was also Mary's first visit.  She had picked up a brochure at the local library about the church’s ESL opportunities.  Since two of us were new, each woman took a turn introducing herself.  Mary went first and explained that she and her husband moved to the US a year ago to try to find a better education for her autistic son.  My heart almost came out of my body!  I was touched by her gentleness and humility.  Her story gave hope to me as I connected with her mother’s heart - maybe I’m not crazy after all - she moved half way across the world for her son.  I was watching God network like no one else can.

These small glimmers of God’s hand at work always humble me. He sees me.  He led me to a precious group of women who embraced me with many warm smiles (I won’t give myself any points for that - those all go to God! ha!)

Tomorrow night I will head back to church for the official ESL classes and will be assigned to assist in a classroom.  Who knows what God has in store :o) ..... maybe some Kimchi!

Recalculating

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My fabulous uncle let me borrow his extra “TomTom” GPS while I get oriented to the Baltimore area.  I have mixed emotions about this contraption.  At one point, it led me down a one way street/alley in the deepest part of the Baltimore’s HOOD. Buildings which should have been condemned, clearly had residents.  Long row houses were scattered with windows that had become black holes leading into God knows what; no signs of glass having ever been in huge gap of brick. No one bothered to board them up, I supposed.  I put on my brave “game face” as if I fit right in to the local cultural group and didn’t bat an eye whenever someone made eye contact with me through the very thin glass of my car window. Couldn’t the GPS have led me on a main street!?

But, later on, when I took my fate into my own hands and made the same mistake, “TomTom” came to my rescue.  We have a love/hate relationship :O)

Adjusting to this new place I am going to call “home” is a mixture of humor, concern, and delight.  I’m no longer a race car driver, because every street threatens me with a sign declaring “SPEED CAMERA ENFORCED.”  Arrrrrggg.  What’s a person to do? At any moment I could receive a ticket in the mail! Oh, wait a minute, I haven’t registered my car! On second thought, Big Brother will find me eventually, I guess it’s time to slow down. Apartment prices make me want to pee in my pants!  Wading through state laws and regulations regarding Foster Parent Licensing is overwhelming. The weather is beautiful.  I am enjoying my family. I miss Huntsville.  I am loved here.

In the midst of all the daily noise of building new relationships, looking for a job & apartment, and all the logistics of preparing for a child with special needs, there is a quiet place in my heart.  I whisper, “Jesus, you’ve got to make it happen.”

My morning study today led me to Psalm 136:

Give thanks to the Lord, because he is good.

His faithful love continues forever.

Give thanks to the greatest God of all.

His faithful love continues forever.

Give Thanks to the most powerful Lord of all.

His faithful love continues forever.

Give thanks to the only one who can do great miracles.

His faithful love continues forever.

The Psalm goes on to declare God’s power through creation and his continual deliverance of His people.  At the end of each declaration is the reminder of his love. Part of the study’s exercise was to write out all of the variables in our lives and then add “His faithful love continues forever” after each one.  Here’s mine:

Where I live can change in an instant.

His faithful love continues forever.

How I’m provided for is uncertain.

His faithful love continues forever.

The people that walk alongside me will change.

His faithful love continues forever.

The work and focus God gives me can move.

His faithful love continues forever.

“TomTom” couldn’t have said it better, “recalculating...” The end destination is trust in God’s faithful love for me.  My circumstances are twisting and turning.  Sometimes I start to fear or trust in my own ability to make something happen, but then a still, small voice says, “shift your focus Naomi... recalculate.”

‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,

just to take Him at His word,

just to rest upon His promise,

just to know “Thus saith the Lord.”

Solemn Wonder

After a wonderful visit with my cousin’s family Friday night, I bundled up in my new winter coat on Saturday (thank you Gina), and continued my trek up toward Maryland’s Eastern Shore to visit some friends. This involved crossing the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, which I had no idea was 20 miles long!  http://www.cbbt.com/index.html

The Ocean has always been a part of my life, and it felt like home to look out over the bridge’s railing into the endless blue Atlantic. The thick gray clouds seemed appropriate to my mood, still a bit dazed by the move and feeling a little homesick.  Visibility was limited by the light drizzle of rain. Several barges sat on the water in the distance looking more like bobbing ducks than gigantic ships.  The water below the bridge churned and sloshed as if it were in a bucket being carried by a small child. I had to keep my eyes on the road to keep from getting seasick with just watching the rough water.  Seagulls were bullied by the wind as they flapped relentlessly but seemed to hang in mid-air. The familiarity of it all made me smile.

I could see the bridge curve ahead of me and it seemed to just end in the middle of the water.  Strange.  Beyond a long gap of tumultuous water, the bridge suddenly reappeared. Before I could process what was before me, I reached the entrance of a tunnel that descended steeply.  Ah, this was the bridge/tunnel I had heard about!  I have to admit that my childlike imagination got the best of me as I imagined the weight of the water crushing the underground road.  The lights flashing by didn’t help and all I could hear was a frantic Willy Wonka shouting, “The rowers keep on rowing and they show no signs of slowing!”  Ha ha!  Well a little humor on a cloudy day goes a long way :O) 

I think the bridge turned into tunnel three different times.  I’m sure this is just normal life for the locals here, but I felt like I had just gotten a $12 adventure (yes, there was a hefty toll)!  

The next day, as I was running on the beach of Assateague Island’s Wildlife Refuge, I took in the cold, the sun, the crashing waves, and the broken seashells.  Lyrics to a song played in my mind:

Stones and Sea by Eden’s Bridge

In the beginning,
I was counting the stones on the seashore,
Looking for the precious ones.
Among the stones, I found many pretty things
While the sea rolled on beside me all the time.

Time moved on.
I had collected many stones 'til I tired of them,
And I think they tired of me.
Some were lovely, but I was never satisfied,
And the sea rolled on beside me all the time.

And the wind rose, east and cold.
Whisp'ring sweetly to my soul.
And it said "Look you fool,
You are missing precious things:
Raise your eyes and look towards the sea."

So I looked:
It was as if I saw the sea for the first time,
And it's power captured me.
All the time I had wasted seeking stones,
I had missed the rolling glory of the sea.

The wind said "Look, you fool,
No matter what you do,
You can't contain the ocean like a stone."

I think the words are lovely and poetic.  They carry a message of missing greater beauty when our focus is misplaced. Somehow the song, like the ocean, has always humbled me and given me peace in God’s vastness.  There’s something bigger than me, something that can’t be contained or captured.  Compared to the ocean, I am so small... but compared to God, the sea is a drop in the vast universe.  

Such wonders fill me up.  I can’t help but be at rest knowing that God is in this boat with me.

A Time to Weep...

One of my favorite drives over the last several years has been from Northern Alabama up into Tennessee.  The foothills of the Appalachians are breath taking! Even more so today, with the deep oranges, reds, and yellows sprinkled through the trees.  The Tennessee Valley was known to Indians as “Death Valley” because of all the allergens.  I won’t deny that I’ve had my share of sinus infections along with every one else, but this place has been a valley of LIFE to me over the last six years.

I viewed the changing colors of Fall through tear filled eyes, and a heart full of humble gratitude.  As I passed each mountain, I took time to remember each person who has blessed my life.  The eleven hour drive was a mixture of sweet remembrances, and overwhelmed heartache.  I thought of my last meeting with the LIncoln Village Staff. They sent me off by going around the room individually expressing my value in their lives. Tears streamed down my face.  I was looking into the eyes of FAMILY.... family I would soon be leaving.  Friends, both new and old, filled cards with prayers & blessings.   Others spent hours helping me pack and move everything into storage. I received envelopes with gifts that I know were sacrifices from families with their own needs. “My kids” from the neighborhood showered me with pictures and notes of their love for me.  Almost every picture had a face with tears, but also words expressing support.  One third grader wrote, “I’m really gonna miss you. I’m proud of you that you’re gonna help your nephew. Well done.”  Another girl quoted one of our memory verses: Jeremiah 29:11. This one really touched my heart: "I will miss you forever and I hope you have a great time over there and I hope God heals your nephew."

I am truly in awe.  In awe that life can be this RICH.  In awe that I could be loved this dearly.  My natural reaction is to want to earn people’s time, love, and money.... why is it so hard to receive!?  And yet, God set the example for this kind of love:  

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us,

 even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ 

(by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, 

and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus.” 

Ephesians 2:4-6

Out of the mouths of babes...

Three years ago, a missionary to East Asia came to speak at my church.  As he spoke of his work in rescuing orphans, he shared the "Starfish Story" that goes a little bit like this:

The Starfish Story

Original Story by: Loren Eisley

One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean. 

Approaching the boy, he asked, "What are you doing?"

The youth replied, "Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out.  If I don't throw them back, they'll die."

"Son," the man said, "don't you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can't make a difference!"

After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
and threw it back into the surf.  Then, smiling at the man he said,
"I made a difference for that one."

Afterward, the man gave each of us a beautiful glass star necklace made by the nationals in his country.  I wore it with pride the next day to the low-income school where I was teaching.  My third graders immediately recognized the beautiful necklace and asked about it.  I shared the story with them and let them know that they were my starfish.  I told them they mattered to me. 

Now, I'm running an after school program where several of my students from school attend.   Three years later, Kris still remembers that starfish necklace.  Yesterday, he asked me to wear it again.

So, today I wore my beautiful starfish necklace.  Before we began the day, I looked in the faces of 28 children and told them the Starfish Story.  However, I stopped after the comment of the cynical man, "You can't make a difference!" Before finishing the story, I asked, "what would you have said to that man?"  Several children offered their words, but one in particular captured my heart.  Six year old Chandlor said, "I would ask him to help me."  

Wow, if that doesn't convict a heart, I don't know what does.  This child, with such a pure heart, has wisdom beyond his years.  I couldn't have said it better myself.